Compassion as a foundation of humanity : growing through life experience. Mairead Ashcroft 4/11/15

Keeping a focus on one solitary person who may have created a difficult life situation or hurt you in some way can be difficult when you are stressed, overwhelmed and dealing with the effects of trauma. Like those who may express prejudices for race, religion, politics, gender and other possible differences in the human race, some may find comfort or a sense of safety by judging an entire group of humans by their experience of one, or a few, who may share similarities to the offender.

I have noticed this phenomenon as both the one expressing prejudice and the one being treated with prejudice in my long experience in having my childhood sexual offender finally jailed for his crimes against me and others. I have been spat upon, called a liar and ostracized by some peers. I believe that these people may have painted me as a threat to everything that they believed in because I brought into question the integrity of their religious beliefs. I have also had moments, early on in my 16 year journey for justice, of feeling hatred for the clergy and everything that they supposedly stand for. After much soul searching and connection to my rational mind, I now understand that I was also trying to cope with my pain and anxiety by projecting my negative and fearful inner feelings onto all who reminded me of my offender and those who seemed to be protecting him. In my experience there is such a thing as rightful anger which can be productive and therapeutic but I have also discovered that hatred is never a useful response in any situation because this type of energy can only creates additional pain. This in turn can perpetuate a vicious cycle. It is often at these moments when one might behave in a manner that is not a usual response for the individual. This could include violent thoughts or actions and dissociation to one's own basic needs.

Fear can fuel devastation for all involved if it is free to take over. In my experience fear often grows from ill informed judgment.
Experience is the greatest teacher. Life has taught me that if you replace judgment with curiosity new insights can develope and some understanding may blossom. I am not saying that once you examine the truth from different perspectives that the pain will disappear or that the perpetrator of that pain is not responsible for their actions. What I will share is that my past experiences have shown me that often the "bigness" of a situation may subside some what. Once I focused on what I wanted to achieve and
 how I might do it while showing myself self care and compassion, I noticed that the balance of negative experiences was far out weighed by the positive, which created a cycle of openness and understanding for self and others. When the trial against my offender was complete I noticed my offender's supervisor looking lost and very alone. He was an ordained religious man who was given the task of shadowing my offender for the 2 years that it took for the trial to take place after the offender had been extradited from the United States to face trial. During this 2 year period I thought about what it must be like to be in the trusted position.

I can imagine that he may have felt some anxiety and sadness that the offences had occurred by a fellow Brother. As the supervisor walked past, on his own, leaving his supervisee to be incarcerated, I was compelled to offer him some comfort. I walked up to him and said, "I imagine that this whole process has been very difficult for you. Please take care of yourself." My hope is that my compassionate offering might have lessened his obvious anguish. I believe that when we can lay our fear to rest and open ourselves to curiosity and understanding, humanity at it's purist may come forward to offer peace.

Live your Bliss
Mairead