An Untruth about Hartman - Not an intentional lie and possibly wishful thinking but hurtful all the same. Mairead Ashcroft 8/2/16

          This morning I attended an event at which I recognized many familiar faces. These familiar faces are all aware that I was abused as a child but very few of them have outwardly offered me comfort or empathy. But it would seem that my story has become the centre of speculation and dare I say it, curious entertainment. It would seem that some one who knows some one ,who worked with someone. who once worked at St. Paul's College when Hartman was a teacher, has told someone else that Hartman is no longer in prison in Victoria but is back in America, a free man.
        This is what I was confronted with this morning in a crowded room. Apparently this rumour has been going around since before Christmas but until today I was unaware of it. I am grateful to the person who informed me and I know that she genuinely cared for my well-being and felt that it was important for me to hear what was being said. She also wished to educate herself with the facts and put an end to the results of others meddling.  I honestly believe that there was no intent to cause harm or injury to me and that the gossip is but a result of someone trying to fill unknown gaps in their understanding of my story. It was possibly a little white lie to create interest or may have been a result of Chinese Whispers. One dictionary defines meddling as .... "to interest oneself in what is not one's concern : interfere without right or property."
       

To set things straight, Hartman is still in jail and will be for another 16 months. If he applies for early release I will be informed. So why has this particular untruth been shared around the community. I believe that comfort might be gained by some to think that Hartman is nowhere near their children/grand children and I understand this. I also believe that others may feel insecure and feel comfort in creating an image to others, of someone who is in control of a situation. After all, how many times have we heard that knowledge is power? But half truths, misinterpretations or blatant lies can be very hurtful to those closest to the situation. Can you imagine how I felt this morning to find that someone used my trauma, intentionally or not, without checking facts? I tried to brush it off as I was in a crowded room but my body went into a trauma response. My breathing all but stopped. I felt sweaty. I felt nauseated.  I felt myself drift into dissociation. I  questioned what I knew to be true and because I suffer with trust issues due to childhood abuse, I briefly felt betrayed by the criminal justice system. I felt alone and in shock. This was an involuntary reaction that has became my default trauma response. Through years of training, counselling, education and support from those who care, I have learned to recognise this default as inappropriate. I now have the right tools and the skills to use them, to enable recovery. I think that recovery is a living energy that ebbs and flows. The current waxes and wanes between high and low forces. It hold all feelings as neither good nor bad but message bringers, to learn and grow from.  I don't know how or why the rumour about Hartman's freedom spread but I have personally both experienced and witnesses the effects that this untruth has had on me and others in the community. As humans we are both vulnerable and sometimes selfish to the outcomes of our actions. I am no different. I am trying to evolve and have learnt a valuable lesson today.... the humbleness of not knowing an answer and owning this realisation.
Live your Bliss
Mairead