Jokes about childhood sexual and other abuse, is it ever OK? Mairead Ashcroft 12/8/15
I was recently a guest speaker and MC to raise money and awareness for women and children affected by sexual exploitation and slave tafficking. I was stunned by the response of some in the audience.
Before the presentations began, two people suggested independently that sex exploitation, slavery and trafficking only happens in non-English speaking countries and another suggested that it can't be that bad for them because they get fed and housed where they might otherwise be homeless. Another suggested that because there are plenty of abuse victims around, that it's not that bad because they are in it together. After an emotional presentation where all artists removed their masks and shared their souls, I was asked the question , "What do I think about the Celebrity abuse charges on children and women?" He specifically mentioned Rolf Harris and Bill Cosby. I said that I rarely pay attention to the magazines and tabloid news. I shared that I hear enough about abuse in my job and that if it is a case that I personally am not involved in and can do nothing to help, I stay away from it to avoid overload. He then accusingly said, "That's ridiculous," and "Unless you have your head in a bubble you couldn't avoid it" and "Why are you avoiding it? Don't you think that it's important you are engaged with it?"
I pointed out that much of the discussion on the
TV , particularly on talk panel shows, can often just be entertainment fodder and sometimes used as a tool to get a cheap laugh. He expressed a negative response to this. He began to speak about how telling jokes about child abuse is raising awareness and when I tried to share my view, that in my opinion jokes are offensive to victims, he quite vigorously pushed his point. I disagreed quite strongly and suggested that we agree to disagree.
After suggesting that we should agree to disagree the man continued to push his point. When I then told him that I once walked out of a comedy show because alter boy sexual abuse jokes were being told, he adamantly told me that I should be grateful that the comedian was speaking about it. He said, " You should have stood up and clapped and thanked the comedian." I tried to point out that if education, empathy or understanding had been realized by the comedian, these jokes would never be expressed. He once again refused my suggestion to agree to disagree and became quite animated.
I found myself beginning to feel angry but pulled myself back from continuing the discussion for a moment and tried to work out exactly what might be going on. I wondered, as member of the entertainment industry, had he or his close colleagues told such offensive jokes as part of their profession? Despite the answer, I felt that all that I could do in this situation was to point out how many times my clients had been triggered by such jokes. I also tried to point out that many victims find it difficult to disclose for fear of being disbelieved and their trauma be treated as a joke. I tried to inform this man about the difference between informative education, support and raising awareness compared to throwing out words in order to create an embarrassed or jovial laugh. He suggested that maybe a pedophile might be sitting in the audience and might re-think their behavior. Sadly, this thought was very ill-informed, as lack of empathy is an outstanding feature in the presentation of offenders and that this is a key aspect of offender counselling.
Are Jokes about childhood Sexual Abuse ever OK? Well, to answer that, I will ask another question. Are jokes about children with down syndrome, paraplegia or cancer ever OK? In my opinion, No!!! It is never OK to use someone else's pain to get a quick laugh. Does that mean that their are no such thing as jokes? In my opinion, of course there are funny jokes !!! Not all jokes are about someone else's pain, only the ones that require no intelligent repartee on behalf of the giver. If the reciever also finds such jokes funny, then they too might posses a less sophisticated humor.
Raising awareness and telling jokes are not the same thing. Telling jokes about chickens crossing roads does not teach children to cross roads. Telling jokes about child abuse in all forms does not teach the community about child abuse. I hope , at least, that my discussion with the uninformed attendees at the event on the weekend, might have been given some food for thought and might educate themselves about the impacts of child abuse. Informed, study based education about child abuse is readily available and for those who would like to learn more please follow the link.
Live your Bliss
Mairead
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