 |
Waiting my daughter to
come out of spinal surgery
after being hit by a car.
21/3/15 |
I have been feeling quite ill for the past three months or so, nothing overly serious but it makes for a trying life. This seems to coincide greatly with Hartman's conformation of guilt to his sexual, psychological, spiritual and emotional abuse against me when I was aged between 8 and 11. After the initial feelings of relief and elation I seem to have crashed spectacularly, more so than I ever have in my 51 years as a conscious being. American scholar, Joseph Campbell describes in his Hero's Journey describes a pattern of narrative that throughout history has played out in religious ritual, myth, story telling, drama music and psychological development. Examples of this can be recognised particularly in the Star Wars epics in which George Lucas acquired Joseph Campbell as an advisor all the way back to Homer's Odyssey, the story on which Star wars was first based.
http://darthgrader.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/Star-Wars-A-Myth-Article.pdf
I have noted in my art journaling and written
dialogues while consulting the somatics of my body, a pattern somewhat fitting to Campbell's writings. I have also recognized journeys within journeys, climbs and declines, falls and stumbles but when I reach out and pay attention to my environment I find help from mentors to regain my footing in order to continue on my forward path.
According to my body I place myself at the Ordeal, Death and Rebirth on the diagram opposite. I believe that the many illnesses and injuries that I have been experiencing of late have been preparing, purging me and strengthening me for my new existence as I re-enter the ordinary world. There are biological reasons for my illnesses but I also believe that unexplained elements may be at play. Could it be possible that I have entered a realm of inner wisdom, derived from the collective unconscious, derived over centuries of human, plant and animal existence? It could also be possible that my attitudes to the symptoms of the various illnesses may have developed a placebo phenomenon for me which is unconsciously offering me comfort in my need. I believe that I am made up of more than the sum of my biology but my naivety of the workings of the universe are ill equipped to understand the workings.
Traditionally, before Christianity over took so many indigenous cultures, similarities were seen in many ritualistic shamanic healings and I would like to share with you, some of my illnesses and symptoms in this context, I will begin with two unusual events, one recent, 2015 and a similar ordeals from 2012.
 |
The Melbourne Magistrates Court
Created insitute 26th April 2015
Guilty plea |
Each of these quests were meetings with officials of the highest nature in Victoria to tell my story of abuse and to be witnessed by the wise men and women as a truth teller. My first meeting was in November 2012, in Parliament House Victoria, where I made a personal submission into the Parliamentary Inquiry into the handling of child abuse by religious and other organisations
Inquiry into the handling of child abuse by religious and other organisations The second relevant undertaking was at the Melbourne Magistrates Court where my youngest son and I gave our impact statements. Each attendance required generational etiquette which I had been versed on, before the meetings were to take place.I was now prepared to enter these bastions of tradition. On both of these occasions I had accidentally injured my left foot. In 2012, three days before my appearance in chambers, I broke my toe. In 2015, 3 days before my first appearance in court, I gashed my foot so badly that it required stitches. It was very difficult to put one foot before the other, which paralleled my struggles to move forward through everyday life while carrying the weight of my experiences of trauma for what seemed an eternity. I entered both ritualistic events carrying a physical representation of my internal wounds as I limped into the halls where the wise ones assembled. In 2014 I took the opportunity to meet with the official of the Royal Commission into institutional abuse to discuss opportunities for improvement into survivors of abuse gaining better care in the aftermath of their trauma.
https://www.childabuseroyalcommission.gov.au/
On this cold June morning 2014 I was carrying no external injury. Confidence carried me along the city streets. I met a young man on my journey who was cold and hungry. He had been sleeping rough. I took off my long, warm, woolen cardigan and put it over his shoulders. We entered a cosy cafe and I bought him a hot breakfast. In broken English he told me that he was from Vietnam and had nothing. He was running away. After his meal I asked him if I could be of any more help. He said that he needed protection. I walked him to the closest police station where I offered him a piece of paper with my phone number and advice to the police that he needed a Vietnamese interpreter. What happened from here was his choice. This was his Hero's Journey. He bowed to me and called me his angle and I was humbled. While entering the building to give my statement to the Royal Commission half an hour later, I knew that whatever had happened
in my past, today I was safe. I was with my mentors and my Hero's Journey was being propelled in a onward motion to face the "crossing of the threshold" exposing me to a concentrate of sediment deep within my being that needed to be purged. Years of trauma were stirring, churning in my mind body and spirit creating a vessel of toxins, feeding the illnesses and events that have plagued me over the past three months. My belief in the mind, body connection and the symbology of life events has offered me answers, reasons and direction, alleviating some pain while offering me a steppingstone to continue my climb to Self. Purging is mentioned in
Root images of healing in dance therapy, Ilene Serlin, 1993, American Journal of Dance Therapy,
"The patient would be purged of his illness. Spirit intrusion: The shaman must detect the spirits....... These movements act out the purging of negative states and can lead to new experiences, insights." I believe that this is where I am in this Hero's Journey but rather than using external stimulus to create physical and psychological purging, my body is engaging in a natural and innate knowledge, as if knowing what my psyche need in the moment. When I remember back to the injury on the heal of my foot, 2015, I was shocked at the amount of blood which pooled on the floor. It stopped me in my tracks and brought me directly into the moment. The injury most likely occurred due to my dissociation my environment and to body in the moment as the anxiety of the court case, scheduled in 3 days, had overtaken my being.
I am reminded now of something that I read by SA Green, 2006,
Surgeons and Shamans: the placebo value of ritual. "Shaman healers clearly but perhaps unknowingly, depend on suggestibility and the placebo effect as much as natural healing....only under extraordinary circumstances would a Navajo shaman of orthopaedic surgeon perform the ritual without proper bloodletting." I don't describe myself as a religious person, nor am I one to subscribe to magical thinking, but it would seem that by allowing myself to indulge in the cycle of the Hero's Journey and look deeper into collective myth and shamanic practice, I am comforted by my realisations and insights. Although my illnesses are bothersome, they are not life threatening. I feel that they are tools for understanding and action. What can I learn fro this experience? How might my life be enriched with purpose and wisdom? I will continue this quest for self discovery and learning so that one day I might return with the elixir.
Live your Bliss
Mairead
Reference
Comments
Post a Comment