Vaginismus - Sharing an intensely personal and little talked about symptom of Childhood Sexual Abuse. Mairead Ashcroft 30/1/16
One day while waiting for a train at the busiest Melbourne City station, I was suddenly gripped with severe, disabling pain. It reminded me of my past experiences of third stage labour, when the babies head would be in crowning position. The muscles in my vagina were cramped, I had shooting internal pain, I felt nauseated and thought that I was going to pass out. I gripped onto a rail to prevent myself from falling and as when giving birth to my children, did my best to breathe through this frightful experience. There was no relief for a good five minutes and then, like a leg cramp, the pain gradually subsided leaving me with a dull, bruised sensation. This was the start of a cycle of some terribly painful experiences. I immediately made an appointment with my doctor who organized further investigation with a gynaecologist who ruled out organic causes. I somehow new that what was going on was a somatic response so my next step was to speak to my psychologist. With her help, I was able to piece together triggers and links to my symptoms. I was then referred to a psychiatrist who diagnosed vaginismus."With vaginismus, the mind and body have developed a conditioned response against penetration. The body has learned to expect or anticipate pain upon penetration, so that the powerful PC muscle ‘flinches’ or contracts to protect against the potential of intercourse pain. This can be equated to automatically blinking one’s eyes and wincing when an object is hurled toward us. It is not something a woman thinks about doing – it just happens." ( Vaginismus: Helping women to overcome Sexual Pain)
So the questions for me were, what is this about and why now, particularly when, at the times of attacks I am not actively involved in a sexual encounter.? It would seem that as the strong memories of of the sexual abuse experienced by me was brought to the fore during the criminal court case against my childhood sexual abuser, Brother Bernard Hartman, body memories were awakened and a protection phenomenon unconsciously developed. Women can develop vaginismus for a variety of reasons which often affects a woman's ability to perform sexual intercourse. "For many women, vaginismus comes as a surprise; unexplained tightness, discomfort, pain, and entry problems are unexpectedly experienced during intercourse attempts. The pain results from the tightening of the muscles around the vagina (PC muscles). Since this occurs without the conscious intent or control of the woman, it can be very perplexing." ( Vaginismus: Helping women to overcome Sexual Pain) There are people who say that I should forgive and forget what happened to me as a child. What they don't understand is the the body holds memories of traumatic events that occurred in the past and that when those memories are triggered or flashbacks occur, I make a conscious decision the recognise where the trigger has originated from and that the thoughts and feelings are not helpful to me and are reactions to memories from my past and that today I am safe. I then take some time to regulate my mind and body and continue on with my day. I can and do face the triggers head on but I struggle control my bodies initial response to a memory or trigger. It is like my body is in a time warp and reacts as is my past is my present. This is often the nature of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
Babbett Rothschild 8 Keys to Safe Trauma Recovery
Vaginismus can develop for a number of reasons from hormonal to sexual attitude. It would seem that, for me, vaganismus is a physical flash back , a somatic reaction to past trauma. I am learning to lessen the severity of the reaction through psychotherapy and mindful meditation. If you are suffering with this terrifying and painful condition I urge you to seek professional help from your doctor, gynaecologist and psychotherapist. It is very important to rule out organic, physical symptoms so a pelvic ultrasound will often be required. It is not as uncommon as you may have thought as roughly 2 in every 1000 women will suffer with the condition in some form at some time. Please find some practical and helpful advise from this link from "Vaginismus: Helping women to overcome Sexual Pain"
https://www.vaginismus.com/vaginismus-symptoms/
Live your Bliss
Mairead
Comments
Post a Comment