Social Comparisons may Fuel the Inner Critic : By Mairead Ashcroft

The world is social distancing due to Coronavirus (COVID-19) and most of our communication at the

moment is through text, video chat, Instagram and other social media. We are unsure how long social distancing will be in place but most of us agree that we are potentially saving lives in doing so.  During this time, we may be tempted to become engrossed in other’s media lives and their seemingly interesting and stress free experience of social isolation or at worst quarantine. Lighthearted video’s and memes can create laughter, reducing stress by flooding us with endorphins and feel good hormones. We all want more of that. 

There may be, however, a danger of the opposite effect occurring when we choose to compare these

short snippets of other’s lives to our personal experiences of being. Hilarious pranks, argument free relationships, perfectly behaved children, bubbly personalities and endless fun may be the impression we are given in these well-lit and orchestrated presentations, but the lives of the people in the videos are most likely, no different to ours. They are people with similar needs, anxieties, and face similar life challenges that we are all facing at the moment. I don’t believe that there has been a more poignant time in modern history to understand that we are all going through this together. The reason why I say this is, unlike during other times of world crisis, we are now surrounded by an artificial community which exists via the media, in our homes, in our bedrooms and ultimately, within our consciousness. We may also have the added disruption of being distanced from our clan or tribe, the ones who honestly and gently set us strait when our sense of self seems out of balance. As a result, our inner critic might rear its head, for better or for worse. Many people believe that our inner critic is like a mischievous little devil who lives on our shoulder, telling us that we are not good enough, just for the hell of it. For some, the inner critic resembles a slab of concrete, encasing the body, disabling any possibility of forward movement. I tend to see the inner critic as a spirit level, guiding me to discover opportunity for balance.


Let us take the current isolation situation and social media situation into consideration. Rather than watching videos etc. and feeling as though we are missing out, or that we have less than another or that we are not good enough, we might choose to be curious about our feelings.

·        What might our feelings about the critical situation telling us about ourselves?

The inner critic is made up of a bunch of thoughts that have entered our consciousness at a time when we feel vulnerable. The thoughts have most often been planted into our unconscious many years ago by people or incidents, awakening our vulnerable selves resulting in us feeling less than, not good enough or non-deserving. Although we may intellectually disbelieve what our inner critic is intimating, the defenseless part of self may still be wounded and believe the harsh thoughts.

·        From where have these feelings come?

Our feelings of vulnerability may lead us to feel closed, small, hurt, angry, envious, and other tight, heavy and uncomfortable emotions. Although triggered by the videos for example, it is most likely that we are experiencing a defensive or protective response to something that happened in our past.
  

·        Observe where our feelings are sitting in the body?

Be curious about what is going on within your body 
in response to your feelings and emotions. When we become an explores of our own mind body spirit connection, we may enable the ability to “see the 
forest for the trees”, and develop a clearer, more 
rational response to our experience. Practicing 
body focusing techniques may allow us to 
energetically remove ourselves from our feelings momentarily, examine them confidentially from a 
safe distance and discover what they have to tell us. 

·        Have I experienced a feeling like this before?

While exploring our feelings we may discover that we are in fact, experiencing a little bit of deja-vu. We may remember a time when something occurred to create within us similar feelings, probably under different circumstances, but with the same energetic implications. An example of this is a child being told that they are not good at art so never attempt to pursue art in adulthood. The inner critic will remind the adult of their past hurt to protect the vulnerable self. The more often this process occurs, the stronger the inner critic becomes and the more vulnerable the unconscious self becomes. The inner critic may then develop into criticism of other parts of the person and while the person unintentionally feeds the inner critic by not challenging the belief system, the unhelpful beliefs become more concretized.

·        What flags is our inner critic waving?

When we approach our inner critic as if it was a teacher, we might learn to pick up on triggers, the origin of our discontent, and issue which might be addressed to enable forward personal growth and self-empowerment. For example, if we did not grow up in a “happy family”, our inner critic might be creating feelings of resentment when we see happy families having a great time while in isolation together on YouTube. We may experience the green-eyed monster when we see celebrities filming from their mansion when we are in isolation in a one bedroom flat. See these situations as flags for change.

·        What can I do to change my situation?

What do I mean when I say change? We cannot just go out and purchase a mansion or find a partner and have a bunch of smiling kids or what ever it is that our inner critic might be saying is lacking in our life or within ourselves. What we can do is have a change of viewpoint and find beauty in what we do have in your life and use this time to make plans to improve our situation if we feel that we are not living up to our potential. Both are easier said than done and require personal work, but we are all worth it. Practicing mindfulness is a wonderful way to put life into perspective. By focusing on the present moment, we have no space in our mind for ungracious opinions from our past or for rewarding our inner critic by reducing our life’s possibilities due to past hurt.


While reality entertainment can be amusing, remember that there is nothing real about it. This message is not only important while we are in our homes, protecting society during this outbreak of Coronavirus, but it will be just as important when life resumes to normality. Social comparisons are full of positive and negative bias. We can have no comprehension of another person’s state of emotions, cycle of thought, level of contentedness or hopes and dreams just by watching a small representation of their life of social media. When we interpret another person’s lifestyle, we are in fact, judging them with a mind that is tainted with our own biases. A judgment of others may be no more than a projection of something undesirable that we see within ourselves. Unless we can distance ourselves from interpretations of the lives of others and set our focus on our own best selves, we may always be chased by the inner critic.

Stay safe and well , take care of yourself and your loved ones and Live your Bliss.
Mairead