The beauty of simplicity and non-perfection. Mairead Ashcroft 19/12/15

I see beauty everywhere. Of course, as the saying goes, beauty is in the eye of the beholder and for me, I behold it every day and in every thing. I observe it in life and death, light and darkness. I embrace scars and blemishes and appreciate lumps and bumps. The roughness of bark and the smoothness of silk, the wings of a butterfly and the fluffiness of a caterpillar are equally beautiful to me. The things that I find most beautiful are the things that I see, hear, touch, taste and smell in the gifts of nature. I think that the story that lives within nature enhances it's beauty. What might be the history of a tree for example. What has it seen? What has it experienced? How are we connected and what do we have in common? Appreciating external beauty can calm and soothe my thoughts and feelings but is this enough? I believe that there is magic in being a living, breathing human as we have the capacity to experience, hold and share beauty from within. We can be enthralled by the effects that art and music have on our senses. We might open our minds, body and soul to another's energy. We may even find wonder in the fact that we exist at all. Consciousness and our knowledge of it is a treasure to hold

onto with a gentle but firm grip. Gentleness will allow growth and firmness will allow ones thoughts, feelings and experiences to be nurtured in a mindful and positive way. This is my truth but this has not always been so. I spent a great deal of my life trying so desperately to block out the ugliness in my past world, subsequently destroyed my capacity to experience all of the beauty in my present that may have made hardships less difficult to bare. This was my experience of coping with the horrors of my childhood. I entered the seemingly protective and safe realm of dissociation. "Trauma destroys the social systems of care, protection and meaning that supports human life. The recovery process requires the reconstruction of these systems. The essential features of psychological trauma are dis-empowerment and disconnection from others." (1998 JL Herman, Psychiatry and Clinical Neuroscience, Recovery from Psychological Trauma)

After many years of falsely believing that to feel was to open ones self to pain, I slowly re-learned to see, feel and experience beauty. As Nat King Cole wrote in the song Nature Boy, "The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return." There was no easy way to undo years of pain and fear but it became very apparent to me that exterior gratification would only provide a band-aid affect. To truly enable healing and recovery I needed to acknowledge and feel gratitude and love for my own inner knowing and the beauty of my own uniqueness and life experiences, warts and all. I often need to remind myself of this truth as I can very easily be triggered and dragged back into harmful thoughts and behaviours.

 My daughter recently created a short film clip of some fabric blowing in the wind on our clothes line.   https://vimeo.com/149089532  On the surface this may sound mundane and of no consequence but when I watch it I am filled with Joy. I love the movement, colour but mostly the fact that a child of mine, despite being raised by a mother who was often disconnected from the world for so many years, can see beauty and love in her self and in the simple things in life. Despite my blanket of darkness, light shone through. Beauty existed and thrived in the chaos.  Humans are resilient creatures and the beauty of life is always present. It can be challenging to notice and engage with it at times, particularly under unjust circumstances but it is there. We may need to look beyond or through the surface but with practice, once we find it we can take comfort in knowing that it is there.
Live your Bliss
Mairead